Reality Check Aftermath
by Puldoh
Summary: Mikey tries to deal with the aftermath of his trip to the Super Turtles World...


Aftermath

Mikey sighed as he walked toward the TV, plopping himself down on the couch. He quickly found the remote in the cushions, turning on the TV. He could hear his brothers talking behind him, two of them excited about the worlds they went to, the other slightly quiet but explained about the darker world he went to.

Mikey explained that he went to a world where he had been a side kick and laughed when he told them about Casey being April's secretary. A small smile lifted when he remembered Casey's clumsiness but he shivered as he recalled what happened when he was caught by Sliver.

_I didn't tell them about Sliver..._ he thought, his stomach clenching up in remembrance of his 'father' in that world.

He was lost in thought and his eyes glazed as he recalled he had killed him. Tears sprung to his eyes as he felt weird. _He betrayed his father...killed him...god..._

Mikey tossed the remote on the couch, ignoring the sudden silence in the room at his actions. Splinter was suddenly there, saying his name, "Michelangelo..."

Mikey flinched when he stared at his father, his stomach clenching again in remembrance...and he shook his head, "I'm fine uh..s..sensei...I...uh...I'm just going to go...um...get a pizza...that's it! Pizza...I'll be back soon," he said, before he darted away.

As he ran from the room, he could hear them murmuring to eachother, concern etched in their voices. Mikey shook his head, running away from the guilt he was feeling. _God...I killed Sliver...I killed him..._ he thought miserably.

He climbed on top of some high rise, lost in thought as he remembered his adventure. He shook his head, sad that his dimension brothers had grown up with Sliver as a father. _How the heck did they discover what was right instead of what was wrong? What if Master Splinter was evil...they would be evil...right? Karai is evil...she takes after her father..._

Mikey shrieked in surprise as he felt a hand on his shoulder, whirling around, his nunchuks already out and whirling. That's when the shadows fell away, revealing his older brother Leonardo; his hands up in defense.

"Uh, sorry Leo...wait, are all of the guys here?" Mikey said worriedly, his eyes crinkled in worry as he glanced around.

"Uh, yeah, they were just bringing Splinter," Leo said hesitantly, "he was worried about you."

"Oh crap," Mikey muttered, "Guys, I'm fine...um...I was...getting pizza! I'll be right back," and he started to dart away when Leo's hand gripped his left forearm, stopping him.

"Mikey, what's wrong?" Leo asked, concern building.

"Nothing's wrong. ..what makes you think something is wrong?" Mikey asked quickly, eyes wide as he heard the soft thumps of his brother's and father landing on the rooftop nearby.

"You are distressed my son, we can hear it in your voice," Splinter said as he walked forward.

"No I'm not. I just needed to get back into the good all fashioned New York air, that's all," Mikey said with a weak smile, trying to put his family at ease.

"Mikey...why are you lying?" Donnie asked, his forehead scrunched up in thought.

Mikey shifted, trying to shift out of Leo's grip on his arm, intending to shimmy away. "I'm not, I was going to get pizza!" he said, deflecting their concern.

"Michelangelo, my son, it is alright. Talk to us. We will not be angry or upset," Splinter said calmly, his paw reaching out, touching Michelangelo's arm.

Mikey flinched away, "I'm fine!" he said angrily, "Don't touch me," he said, backing up feeling strangely uncomfortable. _Can Splinter ever become evil...will he hurt us? _

Suddenly shadows dropped around them, Mikey gasped as he saw a large figure. _Hun...crap..._ and started fighting, somewhat glad for the distraction of the fight.

They fought hard and long, barely managing to escape the fight and get home.

* * *

Mikey staggered into the lair, his head throbbing from a lucky blow by Hun. He immediately started for his room, ignoring his name being called as he craved his bed.

Something stopped him from moving forward, and he frowned in irritation, seeing his father. "Now what?" he whined, wanting nothing more than to just sleep.

"You will be examined by Donatello before you sleep my son," Splinter said shortly.

"You're not the boss of me," Mikey snapped angrily, stomping around him.

Splinter's eyes widened in shock at the darkened tone but Mikey didn't see it. He just wanted to sleep and forget what happened. _Master Sliver...he ruled them...ruled me...captured...killing the humans...evil..._

His stomach clenched as he felt Splinter's hand grip his wrist and he winced at the tight grip, his heart racing as he recalled his head pounding when he had met Sliver.

He heard his brothers, thinking he was back in the other world, and at the hand that touched his arm, he shuddered as he spoke pleadingly, "Please Master Sliver, I just want to sleep," he muttered, groaning as his head throbbed even more.

The hand let him go and Mikey relaxed, immediately leaving the room. He found his bed, curling up in it, glad he was home.

_I'm not there...right? Did I kill him? Did I really kill my alternate father...what kind of son am I?_

* * *

4 days later:

His chest was heaving as he shot up in his bed, eyes wide with fright as well as a overwhelming feeling of guilt.

_I just wanted my sons to join me by my sides. _He threw back his covers, swinging his body over the side of the bed, before hopping off.

He sighed, getting to his feet, one hand rubbing his eyes as he slowly woke up, shaking off the effects of his nightmare.

Mikey sighed as he walked into the kitchen, slowly putting together a snack. He made himself a sandwich, and poured himself some juice before sitting at the table. _Why do I feel so much guilt? It wasn't my father..._ he thought biting into his sandwich.

"Michelangelo?" he heard from behind him.

Mikey jumped, his throat closing around the food he had been chewing, and felt it get caught inside. He started coughing, only to feel Splinter's paw slamming the back of his shell.

Mikey spat out the semi-chewed food as he stood there, staring up at his father in disbelief. Tears built up in his eyes as he realized just how heavy the guilt was.

_I killed my own father...I... killed him...and it was easy..._

Mikey closed his eyes in thought, shaking his head in remorse. _It had been his idea to trick Sliver and it had been his idea to recode that device so it only affected the tower. And it had been his idea to trap Sliver inside. It's my fault...this is the first time I made the conscious decision to kill someone..._

"I'm sorry Sliver..." he whispered, his heart aching with guilt and remorse as he stared into the darkness of the room.

"Who is Sliver?" he heard from beside him, and he screeched in surprise, darting backwards and jumping over the couch. His chest heaved as he remembered Splinter was there earlier.

_Geez, why does he have to be so quiet all the time...wait...Ninja Master...of course he's quiet...stupid me..._he thought as he stood up, pulling a smile on his face.

"Michelangelo?" Splinter said once again, concern etched in his deep brown eyes.

Mikey weakly laughed, "Um, no one sensei...just the name of a guy...that's all...um...gotta...go...TO BED!" and he darted off. _Shell that was close... _

He was grateful Splinter said nothing as he left the room, embracing the sanctuary of his room. _What's wrong with me?_ He thought curiously, biting his lip as he walked to his bed. _Why do I feel so much guilt? I don't get it... we're raised to protect people... why was it so easy to make the plans...to decide to kill him. _

He pulled his legs up, embracing them as he sat on his bed, his shell against the wall.

_It wasn't Splinter...but god...it sounded like him...and when he spoke...it was him...but it wasn't. _

"He wanted his sons to join him...what's wrong with that?" Mikey said quietly, shaking his head with dismay. He closed his eyes, his head still throbbing as he drifted off to sleep.

* * *

The next morning, he woke up feeling like crap. He groaned as he rolled over, blearily looking at the clock.

_Aw man, it's only 6:39...I could've slept in longer..._ he thought as he shook his head, clearing it. _Might as well make breakfast..._

Yawning, he made his way to the kitchen and started preparing breakfast. He smiled at Leo who had grabbed the teapot, and grinned weakly at Splinter, who had stared at him.

_He looks worried...they both do. I'm fine. I didn't do anything wrong...other than killing my alternate father..._ he thought, disgusted with himself, _it was not Splinter...it wasn't...it was the alternate form of his father..._

He cooked mechanically, lost in thought as he made omelets. His mind whirling in his mind as his hands moved without much thought. A part of his mind flickered pain but he ignored it as he continued to cook.

Suddenly, a hand grabbed his wrist, yanking it away from the pan, and he cried out in reaction, now realizing that his hand hurt.

"Mikey, what the fuck ya think ya doin'?" Raph said angrily, his eyes glittered with anger, holding his hand tightly in his grip.

Mikey flinched under the gaze, wincing as he glanced towards his hand which was now starting to throb painfully.

His eyes widened as he saw the entire inside of his palm was red and black, now sizzling with pain and he gasped sharply, tears in his eyes as he wondered briefly what he had done.

"Um...sorry Raphie...I...was lost in thought?" he said weakly as he was dragged over to the sink, Raph yanking his hand under the facet of water and turned it on.

"Mikey, ya jist picked up tha' pan wit'out any gloves. Geez, ya know tha' pan gits hot...it don't even gotta handle...Why would ya jist do tha?" Raph asked, his voice showing his concern, "Wha' da fuck is goin' on wit' you?"

"Nothing Raph," Mikey started to say as he tried pulling his hand away, not wanting to divulge his secrets. _I'm sorry Raph...you'll hate me..._

"Ya say tha' again, I'm gonna smack ya, now tell me tha' truth!" Raph said glaring, "and I know it's gotta do wit tha' world ya went to."

Mikey's eyes widened in shock and he started to shake his head 'No' but Raph smacked him upside the head, "I know it does. Ya been outta it since we got back. Both you and Donnie are freaked about ya worlds. Leo's takin' care of Donnie but I wanna know what happened ta ya," Raph said sternly, "but first, we're gonna take care of tha' hand!"

Mikey was silent as Raph cajoled him into getting his hand fixed by Donnie, who showed great concern as he treated Mikey's hand. He was warned not to use his hand for the next few days and to keep it clean.

Raph didn't say anything as he was treated and grabbed his arm, draggin him towards the door as Mikey gasped out, "Raph please, I just want to go to my room. Okay? I'm fine!" Mikey said over and over as he was forced to follow Raph.

_Where is he taking me? He can't make me talk! I can't tell him. I just can't...he'll hate me! _He didn't even clue in that they had left the lair until Raph told him to sit.

"Dude...where are ...woah..." Mikey said; his eyes widened as he looked around the small room Raph brought him to. It had three walls and a roof but one wall was partially gone...and showed a terrific view of the ocean and the bright moon.

"Dis is where I go when I'm upset...and I know ya needed it. Now tell me...what's wrong?" Raph said, plopping down nearby.

Mikey started to shake his head, "Not-" but Raph glared at him, "None of tha' bullcrap Mikey. I know ya hidin' somethin' big. Jist tell me. I ain't gonna git mad."

Mikey hesitated, glancing at Raph with fear and worry, "Are you sure? Because...I did something bad Raphie...really bad."

Raph's eyes crinkled with worry and concern, and he moved closer, placing a hand on Mikey's arm. Mikey shuddered at his touch, now worried about saying anything but before he could speak, Raph spoke instead, "There ain't nuthin' ya can do tha' can make me hate you. I might git mad or even disappointed but nevah to tha' point where I could hate you."

Mikey let out a shuddered and shaky breathe, tears filling his eyes as he slowly spoke of his experience, "I told you about how I was a sidekick...right?"

Raph nodded, silent but never letting Mikey's arm go as he listened to Mikey talking.

"W...what I didn't tell you was about...father..." Mikey said slowly, hesitantly.

"Wha' about 'im? Was he dead, like in Donnie's future?" Raph questioned curiously.

"No," Mikey said with a shudder, his eyes closing as he recalled his first glimpse of Sliver.

_Sitting in that seat, acting like the Shredder...he used his owns sons powers against them...used them...and in some sick way, loved them. He even said himself that all he wanted was his son's to be at his side. Rule the world..._

"Well Mike?" Raph said impatiently, shaking his arm a little.

Mikey bit his lip, hesitating before he blurted out, "He was evil!"

There was silence in the small room, a cool draft wafting into the room from outside. The moonlight lit up the room enough.

And inside was the smaller turtle shaking slightly, on the verge of breaking down into tears, while the other looked vacant and lost in his own world.

_Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap. I knew it. He hates me! He hates me!_

"R...Raphie...please...t...talk to me..." Mikey begged, wanting his brother to speak to him but he wasn't there. His heart dropped as he realized he shouldn't have said anything. _I knew it...he hates me..._He started to pull away in shame and guilt, tears building in his eyes.

Raph's hand tightened on his arm, his gaze sharpened, "Wha' did ya say?" he asked roughly.

Mikey started shaking his head, "Never m...mind...It...this...d... doesn't matter," Mikey stuttered, clearly uncomfortable as he tried to shimmy out of Raph's grip. _I'm over-thinking this..._

He took a deep breath as he forced himself to say calmly, "I'm...just m..making a big deal outta this..." as he started pacing, Raph's hand dropping from his arm. _He can't touch me... I knew it...he hates me..._ he thought irrationally.

"No, say it again..." Raph said, his eyes narrowed, "Wha' did ya mean by sayin' Father was evil. Ya mean in tha' world ya were sent to...Splinter was...evil...like Shredder evil?" he questioned.

Mikey started shaking his head, hating that the comparison was there. _Crap...I'm screwing this all up..._

That Sliver was like Shredder and his gut clenched as he recalled the pain on his alternate dimension brother's faces. _**We lost him to evil**_...

_Now I understand what Karai goes through..._he thought pitifully, tears falling down his cheeks as he glanced outside at New York.

It was quiet as he pulled up the courage he desperately needed at the moment, staring out at the horizon. He could feel the cool air of the wind blowing by, breathing in the scent of the familiar scent of sewer and New York air.

He spoke softly, "He...he was called Sliver there Raph. He...he was the Super Turtles dad...and had taught them a lot about their powers. S...somehow...he was evil..." Mikey explained, tears falling, "Raph...he...he was really bad. He...he...captured the Super Turtles..and me..."

"Did he hurt you!?" Raph asked quickly, his eyes wide with worry.

Mikey bit his lip, "No...put me in a cage...and mocked me..." he said hesitantly, "but Raph, he...he said he was going to fix the world. Re-make them in our image. He said we would be safe with him...that he was doing it all for his sons and him. That way, we can rule the world," he explained sadly.

"Well, Master Splinter ain't evil here. Is tha' wha' got you all up in da air?" Raph asked, before he shook his head, "but tha' don't explain how you actin'..." he said, confused.

Mikey wiped his face, shaking his head before his head fell to his plastron, "I...I helped...Raphie..." he sobbed out, "I came up with the plan to kill him. He had captured us and I came up with a plan to escape the cage. We got out...and I...I came up with the plan...that would kill him."

He didn't see Raph's face but heard his reaction.

Raph gasped sharply, cursing slightly before Mikey felt Raph's hand gripped his chin, making him look up at him. "Ya said he was evil Mike. If he wuz planning on killin' ya or hurtin' ya, then I'm glad ya killed him. Ain't no one gonna hurt my little brother."

Mikey smiled at Raph's gruff tone at the words before it faltered, "You don't get it Raphie...what if that was us? What if Master Splinter was evil...or if we were raised by the Shredder...Raph...I...I killed him. Sliver...all he wanted was his sons by his side..and...and...I killed him!"

Raph sighed, before he got up, muttering to himself as he paced.

Mikey shrank back, that guilt building up as he stared at the human world, remembering Sliver's world of wanting a place for his sons to grow up in. In some twisted way, Sliver loved his sons and wanted the best for them. _Just like Splinter wants for us..._

"Mikey, ya can't keep this ta yourself! Dis...Dis is somethin' ya gonna have ta talk to Splinter about!" Raph said earnestly, "but ya listen to me. Why don't ya tell me about wha' happened for ya ta kill him."

Mikey slowly explained what happened and his part in killing Sliver and how easy it had been to think of it.

Raph was silent for a moment, making Mikey nervous. He took that as a bad sign as he tried to not get antsy. _See, I knew he would be mad! It's my fault...this whole thing is my fault..._

"Why are ya so upset? Ya didn't want to kill 'im but ya had ta to save the city. It ain't your fault!" Raph said; confusion in his tone of voice.

Mikey cringed, but said, "It is my fault! I convinced the Super Turtles to kill Sliver! All he ever wanted was for his sons to be accepted and for his sons to be by his side. If Splinter was a bad guy, we'd follow him, if not for our love, but out of a sense of obligation. Don't you see...that was the start...Raph...I killed him...without a second thought. It wasn't hard! It was surprisingly easy and that scares the crap outta me..." and he started to pace, his hands gesturing as he talked, "and Sliver...technically he was my Master. He was...while I was there...because he was Splinter..."

"NO HE WASN'T!" Raph said, his voice filled with anger, "Ya git tha' thought outta your head right now Mikey. He ain't and nevah was Splinter. Splinter wouldn't want us ta take over tha' world or kill humans. Tha' goes against everythin' he ever learned! Sliver was a bad guy through and through," Raph said angrily.

Mikey flinched at the harshness of the words but he protested, "But he wasn't! Raph...he was their father...my alternate form of Splinter. He spoke like him...and acted like him in some way...but when he spoke to me..." and he hesitated, glancing away, "he was filled with shame and disappointed. I felt so guilty when I came up with the plan to trick him, making him think that one of his sons, me...wanted to join him..."

Raph frowned, wondering what to say to that and was about to speak when Mikey continued, "and it makes me realize how hard we come down on Karai...and how she wants to do good but can't. She's limited in her choices on who to obey. The father that took her from the streets...raised her...took care of her and taught her...or the person who harmed her father all those years ago...and by relation, go after us."

Raph's eyes widened as he heard Mikey's voice filled with pain, "Mikey, tha' different. We know tha' Shredder is a Utrom and tha' he is evil..."

Mikey's eyes filled with tears as he glanced up, the moonlight reflecting his pain, "and in that world...it was Sliver who was evil...and it was Sliver who wanted to destroy all the humans. He made sure his sons stayed in the tower...he wanted to save them and create a world where they would be the dominant ones. That kind of world sounds impressive...and something we all thought of before..." he said with guilty shame, "They did have super powers there, so they were more accepted but..." his voice trailed off as he glanced away.

"But wha'?" Raph asked worriedly, concern etched clearly in his tone, knowing this was a huge turning point.

"They had this obligation...this need to please the humans...to protect them...and now I know why you always wanted me to stop being a super hero..." Mikey whispered, shaking his head, "no matter what they did...it was never enough. They had to be super heroes...they could never be themselves...and it hurts..."

"Don't ya think ya making t'is more than ya thinkin' of?" Raph said worriedly.

"No, don't you get it Raph...you were right...and I was wrong. As usual! I'm not even part of this team..." Mikey muttered, "and it sucks but I get it. I put myself in that position. But Raph...I killed him easily. I had no second thoughts as I did it, and a part of me...well...felt pride that it was so well accepted by the Super Turtles. My ideas were accepted so easily and it made me feel good to be part of a team that actually valued my input," and he colored instantly as he realized what he just said.

His eyes flickered up towards Raph, who looked angry and hurriedly continued his thoughts, wanting them to get out of his head, "But that plan resulted in me killing my alternate father and it sickens me..." he said, his shoulders slumped, "I can't stop feeling like I failed...that I did the wrong thing but my mind and my heart are fighting, both are saying I did the right thing...and I can't sort it out."

There was silence for a long moment, and Mikey stared out at the ocean, lost in thought as he waited for a reply from Raph. Suddenly, he felt a hand on his shoulder, and he turned slowly. He saw Raph standing there, looking pensive before he was turned all the way around and yelped as Raph enveloped him.

"Now ya listen ta me and you listen good," Raph said, his voice filled with passion and strength, hugging him tightly.

"Ya didn't do no wrong. Ya hadta come up with a plan tha' would save tha' city...but the only casualty would be tha' Sliver. Ya figured tha' saving tha city would be better...and worth it...and it hurts ta make a decision on takin' a life. It ain't a easy one," Raph said slowly, making sure he was explaining himself right as he still held him but moved back slightly to see his face.

"But-" Mikey started to say, to defend himself but Raph cut him off with a slight glare.

"No, takin' a life ain't easy. Even if it was like tha' way ya told me. Mikey...we nevah set out to kill no one, except da Shredder...we aren't assassins. We don't plan murderin' people...or aliens...or in your case...Sliver. Ya didn't set out on killin' 'im but he made tha' decision for ya. He made tha' bomb and he created the circumstances. Ya hadta do with wha' ya got...and had at tha time. He made the circumstances tha' made your decision!"

"But...but I came up with the idea of-" Mikey protested weakly, his guilt slowly breaking.

"Yes, you did come up with the idea...but who came up with the why, where and wha'?" Raph asked.

"Sliver?" Mikey said slowly, uncertain where Raph was going.

"Who created tha' whatchamacallit?" Raph asked with a slight glare, clearly wanting an answer.

"Sliver..." Mikey whispered slowly, tears filling his eyes.

"Where did he plan ta use it?"

"In the tower...but"

"Why did he want to use it?"

"He wanted to rule the world with his sons..." Mikey said hoarsely, his voice choking as he realized what Raph was doing.

"And who created it so da only way ta change it was ta reverse it?" Raph finally asked.

"S...Sliver..." Mikey stuttered out, eyes filling as the guilt slowly faded away.

"Ya were in a no win situation Mikey...none of it was your fault. Sliver set ya up and da only thing ya gotta take blame for is feelin' guilty for being in a situation where you had to think of a way to git rid of him..." Raph said, shaking his head in disgust, "He was plannin' on killin' a whole planet of humans and he was determined to do it. He was crazy Mikey...ya know tha! And we are lucky that Master Splinter was raised right...because he raised us right. We can't say anything about how it was in tha' world because we don't know about it..." Raph said sagely.

Mikey looked up at him, his voice slightly weak, "So...it wasn't my fault I killed him?" as he stared desperately at Raph, wanting the truth.

"No Mike, It wasn't ya fault. It was Sliver who chose tha' path and no one can change their paths but themselves...now quit feelin' guilty and come home," Raph said with a grin.

Mikey sighed, biting his lip as he contemplated Raph's words. "I...I can't help but feel guilt Raph...and... it's hard to see Splinter... and not think about it."

"Thinkin' tha' he's gonna hurt ya?" Raph questioned bluntly.

Mikey winced at the wording but nodded his head, "A part of me remembers him Raphie...he had the same voice...same kind of talking and everything...and it reminds me. I'll try to remember but it's like...I remember when I'm grounded to this world. When I'm around you guys, it helps...but when I'm alone...I remember him and it's like I'm back there again, remembering his words," he explained with a sigh, rubbing his face tiredly.

"Is tha' wha' been happenin' wit' you lately? Ya keep gettin' reminded?" Raph asked curiously.

Mikey nodded, "I look at him and all these thoughts keep coming back, along with the guilt and it hurts. I mean...it's not like he was our dad but...in a twisted way...in a twisted world, he was. And a part of me grieves the father I killed there but another part makes me understand Karai in her loyalty with Shredder."

"Ya feelin' sorry for Karai? She's tried ta kill us numerous times and so did Shredder!" Raph said, shocked to the core.

Mikey started to pace and he explained rapidly, "Yes, I know that Raph! I understand Karai's loyalty and all this time...I hated her. How can I hate her for being so loyal to the only father that she knows! Shell Raph, we're loyal to Splinter and he's the only father I know! Raph...I hate the Shredder...I do. That's not going to change...but I understand Karai's position...and I'm confused."

Raph was silent for a moment, allowing Mikey to calm down as he paced. Finally, he sighed, placing a hand on his shoulder, "Mikey, I can see ya confused and ain't sure wha' ta make of wha' happened ta ya. But ya know... ya should talk ta Master Splinter. He will help ya figure it all out."

Mikey sighed deeply, confused and exhausted eyes glanced at his older brother, biting his lip nervously. "You think he'll be mad at me?"

"Of course not ya nutball. He'll git it and he'll help ya," Raph said with a grin, "He'll git ya head back on ya shoulders and you'll be pullin' pranks in no time."

Mikey smiled tiredly at Raph's words, nodding his head, "Thanks bro," he said with a grin.

"Let's get ya home and into bed. Ya can talk ta Masta' Splinta tomorrow," Raph said, waving him ahead, "Com'n bro."

Mikey smiled, nodding his head and with his older brother by his side, headed home.


End file.
